Atheist Chaplains. Seriously?

Ok, so the atheist are asking for their fair share of military chaplains. You can read about it here.

Stories like this get me wondering what a day in that life might look like. Here’s a possible scenario that comes to mind.

Private First Class Frank Moroni comes to his chaplain on a Monday afternoon after duty.

PFC Moroni: “S’cuse me sir. Can I see you?”

Chaplain: “Why yes Private, please come in. What’s the problem soldier?”

PFC Moroni: “Well, you see sir. I am dealing with feelings of constant shame and guilt.”

Chaplain: “I understand. What seems to be source of these feelings?”

PFC Moroni: “Well sir. It’s something I’ve done. In fact, I’ve done it quite often. Visiting prostitutes.”

Chaplain: “I see. And this makes you feel guilty?”

PFC Moroni: “Well, yes sir, it does.”

Chaplain: “So, you’ve been violent to these women?”

PFC Moroni: “No sir. Never.”

Chaplain: “Well I’m not sure what the problem is. Did you fail to pay these sex-workers an honest wage? Were they not union?”

PFC Moroni: “Yes, I happily paid her the stated fee. And I always look for the union label. Always. I’m not a savage sir.”

Chaplain: So you think there’s something wrong with fair trade, is that the problem? For paying a professional for skilled services well-rendered? Were you not satisfied? Is that it? You feel you were mistreated?

Prvt. Moroni: “No. She was very nice. I’ve been to this particular one quite often.”

Chaplain: Well, I see, Private. Let’s go to the good book on this one and see what we learn from who I like to call “The Great Counselor”. Saint Jeremy… you know… Bentham. See he taught us the utilitarian ethic which commands the greatest good for the greatest number. You got what you wanted. She got what she wanted and it seems as if no one took advantage of the other.

So go in peace son, knowing you have lived and acted authentically. Be self-actualized.

PFC Moroni: But what about my guilt?

Chaplain: Well son, I can’t help you with what doesn’t really exist, can I?

And there you go: a good day’s work for our atheist chaplain and a seeking soul is relieved of his false and debilitating notions.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s