From the moment you see him on screen, you know he’s a man of purpose. His eyes are set, locked on the horizon. A visionary. Others easily step aside for him on the street, not out of fear, but respect. He’s going somewhere and you would happily follow him there.
He comes bearing great news. He alone has recognized a problem that has long plagued him and millions of other men. He was the only wise enough to realize it was a problem. Finding the solution would be no simple task, but doing so became his life’s passion. He is not shy about using the word – passion – in his commercial with something approaching the fierce urgency of now. The problem?
You’ll want to sit down for this.
Our man couldn’t find a shirt that looked good untucked.
Men, we all know what he’s talking about. When I first saw Mr. UNTUCKit’s commercial, my heart felt strangely warmed. I was no longer alone, drowning in my own sense of shame. Sure, I knew I’d been walking around in public with a shirt that was never, ever intended to be untucked. But untuck it I did. I just didn’t know any better. My need to untuck was greater than my own need of self-worth. I didn’t care if people pointed and laughed or looked away in disgust. I didn’t care if people met the eyes of my children with those tender “you poor child” glances. Like so many others, I had lost myself utterly in that no-man’s land between comfort and respectability. But all that’s changed now with Mr. UNTUCKit’s 30-second message of hope.
He refused to succumb, to live one more day looking like a dang fool. He rose up. He fought back. He blazed a trail for all other men. He said “it’s easier said than done” but he did what seemed impossible: design a shirt that was intended to be untucked. Constantine, Columbus, Lindbergh, Churchill, Edison and Gates all felt a little smaller, a little less at this great turn. He alone had the man stuff to take it on and do so with absolute confidence and calm. He was born to it.
There’s no news yet of a Nobel Prize or Presidential Medal of Honor but you know their coming. His vision and persistence has been handily rewarded with hordes of men blinking their way out of fashion darkness and into one of his five expensively designed, hip retail shops in our nation’s premier apparel centers. Others visit his smart website featuring bearded male models that do not exist in nature. His only flaw is lacking a business model like a certain shoe company: order a incredibly priced item and a poor child on the other side of the world receives the exact same product for free. Now young men in undeveloped countries can walk with with their heads held high. A human dignity twofer.
Somebody has promised to make America great again. I say we’ve never been better. Thank you Mr. UNTUCKit. Every man, and the woman who loves him, is forever in your debt.