U2 Delays New Album Because Trump Won

u2Dear Bono:

Can I speak frankly as a friend? Its time you appreciate that you and your band’s super coolness has passed its “Best by” date some time ago.

It could have been a learning opportunity when scads of people didn’t want your last album downloaded to their devices as it required precious energy to delete it. Sure, it was free, but even then… It was class that you publicly apologized for assuming everyone would be stoked to have it. Even for free.

Now the news that you guys have to take a moment, catch your breath and get your bearings before you can release your new album because the American people elected Donald to occupy the White House. It will be OK.

You thought Ronnie and Maggie, the 80s power couple, were going to destroy the world. They did not. Trump will not either. Find your happy place and release your album when you feel better.

But do know that you’ll become your better selves by realizing that people care what you think about our politics so much less than you think they do. It will take a tremendous weight off your shoulders.

Your friend,

Glenn

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